yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
