closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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