chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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