My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you had me at cake vodka
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
