You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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