woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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