i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
did i walk over a car last night?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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