checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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