I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
