I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
don't judge my taste in strippers
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
