chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Green mimosas i think yes
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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