Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She even gives head with a lisp.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize