the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
operation harelip BJ is a go
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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