I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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