Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
