I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
