Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
