Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
