i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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