my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Randomize
