Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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