She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
there was a trapeze. enough said
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
