I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
