He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
