My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you inspire me to be a worse person
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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