It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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