I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
