so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My balls are so social today.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm too high and old for this...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize