just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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