Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Need sex. Gaining weight.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
