his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
