"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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