She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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