So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Welp...herpes.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
