Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
vagina is talking i cant
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize