How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
