its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
