don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
