Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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