So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
