I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize