My first STD was from a foam party
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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