Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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