Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize