The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
