I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
