it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
