I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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