I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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