we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
