I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
