Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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