I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
