I want to have your abortion
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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