I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
