I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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