he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
