Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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