Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
