if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
