'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
