The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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