i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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