The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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