I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize