So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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