i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
