the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
