So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
